Seeking Peace
by indulgence
Summary: //A soldier's life has only room for emotions//..a somewhat HY/RP fic..enjoy!


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Author's notes: _Italics_ denote past conversations or thoughts.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is ::sigh:: not my property if it was I wouldn't be worrying about college.

Seeking Peace

The explosives successfully unhinged the thick metal door and it fell unceremoniously, as a young man walked into the dim-lighted room. His gun was drawn; ready to greet unwelcomed hosts. He carefully scanned the interiors, his indifferent face resting on the slumped body of a young woman. Her face obscured by her long golden brown hair, which cascaded from her shoulders. While the soft flesh of her wrists were bounded tightly behind the chair that she was placed on.

With unsteady steps, the young soldier closed the distance between them, his eyes squinting in an effort to penetrate the dark interiors of the room. With uncanny stealth and quickness, a dark clad figure separated itself from the shadows and stepped in front of the advancing man. Automatically, the soldier leveled his gun on the figure, which had dared stood his way. His hands itched to pull the trigger…yet something held him back. Instead, he slowly walked around the figure, his cold eyes did not cease to glare at it nor did his gun waver from its target.

"No." The eerily familiar voice resounded with finality and with one swift move the cloaked figured kicked the gun from the other and elbowed him. Caught unprepared, the young soldier's tolerant body felt a jolt of pain as he felt his back hit the cold bare wall. The fallen soldier growled under his breath as he slowly pulled himself up. Without farther ado, he readied himself to grab the cloaked figure, but initially halted as the latter placed the soldier's gun on the unconscious young woman. The soldier glared at the cloaked figure, waiting for a chance for the gun to waver from its target. As the silence increased, so did the soldier's impatience, he usually wanted nothing more but silence, but this time it was quite different. "What is it that you want?" he flatly inquired.

"A soldier must be voided of weaknesses in order to accomplish missions without hesitation." Came the response and the soldier's brows knitted in a frown, those were the very words that had been burned in his mind. "It isn't necessary whether you agree or not but one cannot hide from the truth."

"Hn. You didn't answer my question." The soldier stated irritably.

"To eliminate all obstacles." The voice answered with such coldness that it rose a sense of uneasiness in the back of the young man's head. "Beginning with her." The figure added as it cocked the gun to the head of the young woman. A shot sliced through the thick silence of the dark room, adrenaline pulsed through the body of the soldier as he rammed himself unto the cloaked figure. With quickness and gentleness, he untied the unconscious girl and his hands trembled as he softly laid her to the cold floor. A sickening feeling arose from the depths of his throat as he beheld the sight before him. Incomprehensible words flew out of his mouth, as he tried to find the words he had denied himself for so long. Of all his failures, this was the worst.

Her pulse was faint, while blood matted her golden hair into disarray clumps. The young man cradled her unmoving body as he intently gazed into her face. From his chest he felt a wrenching pain that seemed to slowly twist the roughened flesh of his body, the stoic mask crumbling into a state of numbness._ "So peaceful, so cold, so alone.."_ He thought while he cradled her unmoving body, losing himself with the serenity of her face. Her usual warmth filled eyes never fluttered from her sleep of death.

A cruel, sadistic laugh echoed through the room and the soldier was instantly pulled back from his trance as vengeance whispered in his ears. "And you call yourself a soldier." The dark figure commented, as the soldier looked at him sharply, gently letting go of the cold touch that seeped through the young woman's body, bidding it with a final farewell. Without hesitation, the disarrayed soldier charged at his most unmerciful nemesis, and the two became entangled in a struggle. A deadlock became apparent as the soldier's offensive attacks were easily countered. His wall of tactics was easily predicted and the dark figure's fist found its way to his stomach causing him to reel backwards. "You can do better than that. There isn't anything that's holding you back anymore." The hooded figure stated contemptuously.

A growl was heard and before the hooded figure could react, the young man kicked him squarely in the stomach then quickly punched him in the face, throwing the hood back. "Who the hell are you?" The red-faced soldier hissed at the figure, whose head was cocked away from the dim light. No answer came and a deadly silence hung upon the thick air, the young man prepared for another punch when the figure faced him fully and cobalt eyes glared coldly at him.

A chill went through the soldier's body as he stared at eyes that reflected his. "It can't be…" The young man stammered as he stepped back but the other only continued to close the distance that the former was trying to create.

"What is there to fear from one's own self?" The dark figure said indifferently his lips forming a smirk. The soldier tried to hold onto his diminutive anchor to sanity as his mind swirled and he felt a sickening bile rise from the depths of his throat. 

"NO! You're nothing more but an impostor! I don't kill the innocents!" And the soldier's clenched fist connected with the other's face, instead of the bruising of flesh, a crack appeared and it gradually widened as glass shattered amiss. And the soldier's reflection was no more as darkness settled in. Out of nowhere cacophonies of distant echoes filled the darkness, as the young man stood alone.

_You can't forever hide from the truth, boy._

__

Why, Heero? Don't you at least care about me? Heero?

A soldier's life has only room for missions…only for missions not emotions.

Your hands will be forever stained with blood. 

She never did love you. She never will.

I will kill you.

But…why?

"Stop it! Stop it! Leave me alone!" The young man shouted his hands covering his ears, but it did not stop it only became louder….and louder. 

~*~*~

His unreadable face was drenched with sweat as he tried to pace the quick beatings of his heart. Unconsciously, his hands were clenched tightly, causing blood to trickle down from his still unhealed wounds. It seems to him, that these past few days, he could not stare at his reflection in the mirror, without leaving it in shards of glass. Those dreams never did relieve him of the burden in his heart on the contrary it only made it heavier. Pain finally registered in his mind and he glared down at his bloodied palms. _Your hands will be forever stained with blood._

The alarm clock was instantly thrown across the room and became nothing more but pieces upon hitting the white barren wall. His face scowled as the dream replayed through his mind, his hand clutching the white sheets of his bed. "I will end this Relena, once and for all." His voice hoarsely whispered to the thin air. He stood up and dressed himself slowly, tucking the gun behind his back. With one last look in his little apartment, he made his way out the window.

~*~*~

The young man looked sullenly as he arrived at the place where she now lived. The serenity of it was unnerving him, yet he could not deny that it had a natural elegance to it. Rays of sunlight penetrated the dark sky, illuminating it with orange hue as midnight blue mingled with golden yellow. Its tint reflected in the morning dew of newly cut grass. The young man shook his head, now was not the time to admire the aesthetic beauty of nature. He never did pay attention to them before, why should he now?

With ease and grace he scaled the thick-ironed gate that separated him from his mission. He scanned the area quickly and saw no one. Satisfied, he treaded softly to where he could find her. He tried to push away the feeling of uneasiness within him. He could feel her eyes following his every move …or is it just his imagination. The fragrance of vanilla tingled his senses and the warm dawn of morning seemed colder to him. Vanilla…she always smelt like she bathed in a bathtub filled with vanilla.

__

Heero?…Heero?! Don't you love me? The melancholy voice echoed in his ears, his hands where balled into fists. He knew this conversation too well.

__

I don't love you. Leave me alone.

But…I thought…

Are you listening to me? A soldier doesn't love, he fights and kills.

He slows his pace as he neared her. When was the last time he was here? It seems only yesterday but in truth it was three days ago. How can he forget? The rain pounded unmercifully at him, as if the heavens blamed him for something.

__

Did you hear what I said?

Hn.

Aren't you even going to say anything? Haven't you thought that this was all your doing?

I did not do anything to her; she did it to herself. 

__

You unfeeling bastard, and what was her reason to do this to herself?

His face darkened at the thought of that conversation, his friend's words only put salt on his fresh, new injury. He stopped abruptly as he reached her, and kneeled softly as he sat on his legs. His thoughts jumbled. _A soldier …a soldier fights….._

"A soldier fights because he has something to protect. I fight to protect peace…and you are my peace." The young man's usual deep strong voice, was full of gentleness as it whispered those words. With trembling hands he reached out to softly brush away the golden brown dirt that covered the epitaph of her newly erected tomb. "Relena…without you I have nothing to protect….I no longer have any use of being here.."

__

Don't you care about her?

I don't care about her.

Then why can't you sleep at nights? Stop denying it. 

How does it feel to have your hands stained with her blood?

He felt wetness in his face. It wasn't her death that truly shocked him, it was the fact that it was committed by her hands; hands that never harmed anyone or anything. He stared out blankly as he felt his guilt burn him within. He never was true to himself or anyone with his emotions. There's always a first in everything. He gently touched the cold stone of her tomb and softly said, "Goodbye, Relena." 

Abruptly the young man stood up and he looked up at the rising sun, his eyes shining with satisfaction and determination. He felt the comforting coldness of the barrel of his gun as he pointed it in his head and a genuine smile, that no one had seen or will ever see, formed in his lips. A shot echoed in the empty cemetery, awakening the new day.

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